this is why people don’t seek treatment
Please keep going, your feelings are valid. Don’t let one insensitive, overpaid, prescribing psych doctor invalidate you or make you feel like a burden. Your mind is its own enemy, you are not a burden. ❤️
So I just had an appt with my psych doctor to request new meds to help with this depression (due to my bad crisis episode I had last week). First she joins 15 minutes late, and then she acts bothered that she’s seeing me again so soon (we just met a couple weeks ago). I told her that I had just been dealing with the depression after having tried other medications last year, but I was now ready to try another med on top of my current medication to try to treat the depression, or at least lessen it, since it’s gotten so much worse since my hormones have started changing. She seemed annoyed and said, well what do you want? And I’m like, uhh, I don’t know, I just want to try something else. So then she starts going through my past medications, still seemingly annoyed, and says something like, well you’ve tried this and this. I suggested Latuda because I’d heard of that one, she’s all, well that’s an antipsychotic, why do you think you need that? WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK!? When we were exploring medications last year for this same reason, she prescribed me two different antipsychotics (not at the same time), and was all happy and excited to put me on those. I didn’t understand why I was being given antipsychotics because I hadn’t experienced psychosis, but we went with it. But then today I suggest that and she asks me why like it was a strange request.
Then she says seroquel, I said I hadn’t been on that, she’s all oh, this will be great, you’re going to start feeling better. The next time we see each other everything will be better. Then she tries to get me to talk about my symptoms of what led me to making the appointment today. Well, on a good day when we have a full 30 minutes, she’s working in a rushed manner, trying to just move through the appt and check off the boxes that I’m not suicidal and the other shit. So today, after her entry into the appointment of being bothered, by no means did I want to open up about what I’d been experiencing. And by no means did I want to tell her I was in crisis last week and had to lock up my guns, because there wouldn’t have been enough time to explain myself clearly. And if someone seems bothered to be meeting with you, then why the fuck would I open up and be even more vulnerable. For fucks sake, what the fuck.
I called 988 after the appointment ended, but I didn’t even press a menu option before hanging up. I know they do intake questions and I just didn’t even want to go through that just so I could vent.
I’m so fucking over dealing with this shit, all of it. I’m grateful for my healthcare and that I have access to treatment, but fuck, just because you have access to care doesn’t mean it’s quality care. And then to be greeted like that, fuck right off doctor. I have an appointment with my talk therapist next Monday. She’s not perfect either but at least she shuts up and listens and is empathetic and validates my feelings. I feel comfortable opening up to her. This psych doctor is a bitch, fucking go into private practice if you can’t handle the caseload. Fucking bitch. If I didn’t have to get meds from her I’d stop seeing her—I’d request a new clinician but all the prescribers are the same, very little time to even speak to patients. This one normally only spends about 10 minutes with me on a good day. You know how when you talk to someone and you can tell they’re in a hurry and just trying to go through the pleasantries to be nice but you can tell they’re being hurried, that’s her.
I guess that’s it, I didn’t even feel like writing. I’m going to the store and getting some beer. Fuck this shit. Drinking gives me a headache anymore and fucks with my sleep, but fuck it. I’ll just bear it until I meet with my other provider next week. Stay strong people, and you’re not alone in this world of shitty care. ❤️🙃
