Been a few days

I didn’t sensor this, Bored Panda did

I didn’t realize it had been so many days since I wrote…I guess I was on a little bit of a productive ‘high’. When the stars align just right, I am focused, have energy and the bad vibes are able to be kept in check, I can get shit done. People talk about triggers, I’ve never really been able to figure this out real well because with my random swings, sometimes good news or plans will amp me up—other days I could get a fat paycheck and it doesn’t mean anything to me. Last week I got amped up because I have a few more things going on work-wise. It was exciting and I was motivated last week. However, today, I feel overwhelmed and unsure of it all.

I’ve been wondering, at what point are you quitting something versus caring for your mental health? I’m contemplating some big work decisions and can’t help but feel that if I throw in towel of running my own business, that I’m giving up, that it’s too hard so I’m quitting. That’s what it feels like if I were to go down that road. On the other hand, in working for myself, I can better tend to my mental health. However, the financial drain of not bringing in enough business is negatively affecting my mental health due to the burden of debt. I never dreamt of having my own business, I just fell into it, and at first I liked the challenge. But now, I just don’t give a fuck. I want to earn enough to live on and pay down my debt, and that’s it. I don’t want to do bookkeeping and business management tasks and I’m barely surviving. I think it’s time to do some self-reflecting and really examine this—as well as buy another lotto ticket.

Fuck, it’s such a shit time in this world for so many reasons. My heart goes out to people who are in a shit hole right now, whether that’s financially, mentally, or in any other sense. You’re not alone. I’ll keep going if you do, ok?

I’m going to walk the dogs, thoughts are with you friends. ❤️