time to kick ass

Thanks for the encouragement possum friend, courtesy of Pinterest

Alright, well today I’m in an upswing—probably fueled by the need to find more secure work, ie steady income flowing in instead of out. I had a conversation with a lady I met recently and we discussed our businesses. After that call I got motivated and so did she. I revamped my entire business website and she got motivated to do something similar.

In the last few years I’ve really withdrawn away from people. Part of is I just don’t trust people and I’m too trusting so it’s very easy for me to be taken advantage of. I recently had the thought, sometimes people don’t intend to take advantage, sometimes you allow it to happen, by lack of boundaries, or just not knowing. But every now and then I end up randomly connecting with someone and it’s refreshing to have dialogue with someone. Another thing I’ve noticed is I prefer business interactions over personal—I don’t ever like talking about myself, it’s just uncomfortable. At times I judge myself and am ashamed of how far I haven’t gotten in life. Sure I’ve accomplished a lot, but I have nothing to show for it—the extent of my accomplishments are owning two vehicles, which I’m tremendously grateful for.

Anyways, things are good, for now. This is why I take it day by day—I try not to overcommit myself with tasks because I never know when the bottom will drop out. But at the same time, it’s not totally productive to be so non-committal. So I’m pushing myself forward, I’m squishing down the uncertainty and doubt and am telling myself to move forward, because I have to. It’s challenging to have such inconsistent moods, one day I’m motivated, the next I’m just like fuck it. Many days are me constantly distracting myself from my mind—other days, the motivation flows.

One coping skill I’ve read about is that when you’re feeling funky, to do something for others, whether that’s volunteering or simply opening the door for a stranger at the store. I had an idea to offer a free resume workshop, so I’m going to do that. There’s a lot of people losing their jobs right now and that’s just fucked up. So I thought, well, what can I do to help? I figured a workshop teaching people how to use AI to improve their resume might be worthwhile. As a business person, it’s frowned upon to offer free services. And honestly, I probably shouldn’t be since my income flow is so low. But I want to do something for others and this won’t be a huge time drain, and it makes me happy that I can offer this. With mental illness, sometimes I struggle to find purpose in life. This helps with that.

So once again, I’m going to keep pushing forward as if my mental illness wasn’t the hindrance that it is. I will give myself grace in the tough moments, and embrace the skills I know I have to offer and use them to help people. That will have to be good enough for now, and I’m good with that.

Take care people, remember you’re not alone! 🙃